There are many structures in society that groom people to oppose personal autonomy, self-leadership, and individualism. These structures help to breed a culture which lacks empathy and respect for all life.
There’s no respect when life is seen as a consumer product to be sold. There’s no respect for humanity when humans are seen as “resources” or “capital” in which to be managed and possibly exploited. Under these structures, being a parasite while causing harm, pain, and even death becomes a system of profit and control.
When we filter through the layers, we find this trickles down to our interpersonal relationships. This makes sense because a system that supports, reinforces, incentivizes, and profits off of bullying can only produce citizens who integrate that value into their daily lives. We notice it when it is overt; but covert intimidation is still intimidation.
Bullying is not just an issue with an individual or certain individuals, because it’s embedded throughout our society. In order to initiate change, we can observe macrocosm that is being reflected in the microcosm. Only then can we defend against bullying of all forms.
What is bullying?
Bullying is a pattern of behavior which uses force, coercion, teasing, or comments in order to dominate, intimidate, or abuse others. Bullying can be performed by an individual or a group.
EXAMPLES OF BULLYING
Social, physical, and verbal bullying
- Calling someone a derogatory name or giving them an unflattering nickname.
- Spreading rumors or lying about someone
- Spreading information that someone disclosed in confidence
- Threatening to hurt someone in order to control them
- Stealing or intentionally destroying someone’s property
- Intentionally making someone feel left out
- Using social media or phones to damage someone’s reputation
Workplace bullying
- Giving constant and unfair criticism
- Yelling and screaming
- Taking credit for other people’s work
- Making unreasonable demands
- Discounting or diminishing someone’s views or concerns
- Aggressively forcing someone to say or do things against their will
- Lying, deceiving, and creating false hope
- Embarrassing or degrading people in front of others
- Communicating offensively
- Intentionally withholding information or giving the wrong information
Overt, or obvious bullying is easy to call out because we can see it. However, covert bullying can be harder to spot because of plausible deniability and the covert bully’s intent to maintain an aura of innocence.
Covert bullying
- Walking away when someone is speaking
- Deliberately ignoring someone or freezing them out
- Using threatening hand gestures or looks to intimidate someone
- Staring at someone to make them feel uncomfortable
- Deliberately withholding information that someone needs in order to do their job effectively
- Subjecting someone to excessive supervision and monitoring and being excessively critical about minor things
- Speaking to someone in a patronizing or condescending manner
- Gaslighting someone about their experience with one’s overt or covert bullying
Defending Against Bullying
Every situation is unique. What is appropriate in one circumstance, may not be appropriate in another. These are general tips to help navigate circumstances that we may find ourselves in.
Educate yourself on how bullies, tyrants, control freaks, and narcissists behave. Arm yourself with the knowledge of predictable behaviors.
Don’t engage with the bully unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, then remain calm and confident. Do not let them get any sort of emotional reaction from you. If you are able to walk away, then do so if it is safe. (Don’t turn your back on an angry person who may become violent)
Don’t keep the bullying to yourself, try to have a supportive person with you so that you are not isolated. Build a support team.
If someone is screaming at you, change the flow of the energy by asking them an open ended question like, “what is your goal with this conversation?”
If you work with a bully, keep track of dates and times of incidents. Try to communicate via email as to have the paper trail.
Set your limits and boundaries in a calm but firm way.
Don’t take their behavior personally. It is not your fault if someone chooses to lack self-control, decency, or respect. This is their issue, not yours.
Work on your self-esteem, self-care, and self-love daily. Have mantras to affirm yourself such as, “I am the power and master of my emotions” or “I love myself unconditionally” or “I choose peace and calm in every moment.”
References